Letting Go and Holding On… Keeping the Ego in Check
Truly letting go brings such wonderful feelings and experiences. It is natural to then want to hold on to these amazing joys and freedoms. Who would want to let them go? I’m discovering that’s the tricky part. Last week I did my first book signing parties in LA for “The BLT That Saved My Life”. They ended up being fun, uplifting and successful but I got pretty stressed out leading up to them. Somehow I felt in order to effectively communicate about my transformative experience of facing death, I had to hold onto it and be in control.
Being in LA and putting on these events brought me somewhat back into a combination of my old catering business, live TV pressure and sales anxiety as if I was back working in the personal growth field needing to sign people up for a workshop… convince them of the value of what I was sharing and writing about and out of the pure joy of living I have been feeling most of the time since this whole thing happened. Part of the idea of these events was of course to promote the book… but really I just wanted to celebrate completing it and all the growth that came from the process of putting it together. It has also been a perfect excuse to connect with old friends and new.
I also fell back into my 5th gear “human doing” mode where I push myself too hard and do too much and don’t take the best possible care of myself. If I’m in 5th gear for too long, I tend to crash, which I did the day after making the long drive home. Feeling bad had its blessings though; it woke me up. I realized that if I try to hold on to the magical, blissful experiences I talk about in my book, I can lose them. When I try to “bottle and sell it” it’s illusive.
So leading up to last night’s book party at my dad’s house in Lakeprot, I started really letting go. I had to get to a place of not caring if anyone showed up, anyone liked what I was saying or bought books. I remembered that I started doing this for the pure joy of expressing myself and following my heart. I realized that I have no interest in selling anything, only sharing, to those who are drawn to it. As I let go, I found my freedom again. I held on enough to show up, make the green smoothies and veggie BLTs and then let go enough to go with the flow and be present and let what I wanted to say come naturally. Everyone was wonderful and there was peace, love and laughter in the room. While letting go on my hike the morning of the event I thought of just putting a container with a sign on it with the price of the book, then I didn’t have to even be involved in selling it… the books sold themselves.
The adventure of writing “The BLT That Saved My Life” has been a crash course in ego burning. Putting my innermost thoughts and feelings on paper and out into the world makes me feel naked but free. Keeping the ego in check is one of the big challenges as this journey expands. Many people are now reading the book and sending me wonderful reviews (I added some at the bottom of this page). The trick seems to be to not let this great feedback make me think I have control or know how to write because I want it to always be fresh and inspired. The flip side of ego is letting the hard stuff (like people not showing for the parties, buying the book but not reading it or not saying anything… I can only imagine the worst!) make me feel like I am not good enough. Either side of the ego in this case doesn’t further the cause of joy, love and freedom, which was the whole point of this undertaking in the first place!
The best thing I have seen on the subject of creativity and ego is a TED Talk given by Elizabeth Gilbert (Eat, Pray, Love) www.ted.com/speakers/elizabeth_gilbert.html . Very inspiring and wise!
I n the future I will try to post more often (like once a week) then maybe they won’t be so long!
Thanks for reading!
With love and respect,
Kai
Blurbs
“I read your brilliant book and found it so very fascinating, and well written too. You are a natural storyteller, Kai. I even did some BLTing of my own this morning when I was walking, good stuff. What an interesting story and I like how you weave in the wisdom, so it’s not to overpoweringly new-agey. Brava, Bravo!!!”
Author of “Love and Compassion”-Nikki L., N. CA.
Karen M. City Planner N. CA.
Kai’s travels and adventures through green smoothies, foraging for wild edibles, and nearly dying from eating poisonous plants are uplifting, engaging, fun and inspiring. It’s always a treat to be reminded of what is truly important in life, with a guide to keep that in the forefront. Kai does this in a simple way by taking you into her life-changing experience, and making you feel like you are her new best friend. Now I just want to know, what happened in Paris?!
I really enjoy ed reading this, thanks so much Kai!
Charmaine L. Yoga teacher, Health food store manager N. CA.
Hi Kai, Finished your book, loved it. Page 45 God’s energy washed over me and put me in bliss. Whoo girl! There is some enrgy in those words. What about Hay House for publishing?
Teresa R. Topanga
“Went home, read your book cover to cover, it took a couple of hours and when I read the last page I wanted more! I am helping myself to B.L.T’s and loving every minute of it!”
Lisa D. N. CA
This book is fun, inspiring, creative, and leaves your belly with that filled up and yummy feeling!
BUY this Book!!! – you’ll really love it! www.Kaibravo.com
Kai is an amazing woman and is “stepping into her power” with this tasty offering of wisdom, love, and humor.
Use the tools that she is offering, and ENJOY the ride of your life!
Blessings & Love,
Flora LaRayne
–
In Light, in the moment
http://sacredarteffects.webs.com/
More to come…. visit kaibravo.com
Just as I find comfort and peace from sitting and talking with Kai, so did I have the same experience from reading her book. Thank you for sharing your heart. Your book is as special as you are!
Jodi Jones
Thank you Jodi!
You are so sweet!